Emotionally Involved - Final Episode Part II

Sunday

20^th September 2009

20^th September is my mother’s birthday. But as I was still granted by Allah to feel the love and comfort from someone called mom, I was reminded that someone else is probably losing hers.

Makcik was starting to pass out black fluid, and I told her daughter it was probably melaena.

And she replied:

“akak,ape mksd akak drah dr prut or intestine yg da lme x kuar kak?”

Busied by ‘Eid celebration, my answer to her message was delayed. How could I selfishly have fun during Raya when someone else was overwhelmed by sadness.

She then continued to message me:

4.31pm

“doakan keshtn mak pulih kmbli ye kak? Hati cedh sgt skng.nnt apa2 hal sy update akak.”

8.21pm

“Oh,sory lmbt.hm,melaena tu biasa trkumpul bila ada pdarahan pd bhgn perut atau bhgn usus yg atas2.sbb tu dia ambik masa yg agak lama (usus kta pjg) utk smpi ke anus dan kluar mlalui jln blkg.mgkn tumour dlm perut mak tu dah bleed.tumour mmg byk blood vessels”

8.35pm

“ow,cmtu.Thx a lot kak.x benti bleedg ni kak.isaw”

8.59pm

“Dah ckp dgn Dr?”

The reply was late. And it read…

11.08pm

“akak,mak tgh nazak ni. Skng tgh monitor cardiac n bg o2”

Saturday

21^st September 2009

12.12am

“Maaf lmbt,mak mcmana?”

12.15am

“mak half conscious.spo2 kjap naik kjap trun.cmne ni kak?”

12.24am

“BP brapa?mak sob lg ya?”

12.25am

“s.0.b lg.bp x sure.tp doc lajukan flow NS coz dia kata nk tggikan bp.”

Deep down inside, I was still hoping for a miracle to occur. Yet I felt a strong impulse to advise her and say, “You have to be strong, and be prepared for the worst… Ajal maut di tangan Allah tapi kita kena redha kalau mak betul2 pergi…” But the strength I had was only sufficient to reply:

12.30am

“Ok.adik beradik smua ada kat situ?”

And by saying this, I actually meant “Kumpulkan adik-beradik semua, kalau boleh biar semua ahli keluarga ada di saat-saat terakhir mak…”

4.05am

“ada.fmly smua ada kat cni.sory lmbt reply”

And as I was busy preparing for the 2^nd day of Raya, the inevitable news came…, the one message which I was hopeful would not arrive… But it did.

9.01am

“akak, mak dh xde”

I felt like a bullet was shot through my heart. Although I did prepare for the worst, I had no idea it would be this painful.

9.37am

“Allah, innalillahi wa inna ilaihi raaji’uun.yaAllah..”

9.42am

“tlg sdkahkn al-fthah utk mak ye kak? Trm ksh byk2 ats sume guidance yg akak bg utk jga mak sblm ni..mak pun dh aggp akak mcm ank sndri”

And tears came falling down… Makcik…

10.47pm

“YaALLAH,akak sdih sgt2..xdpt jmp mak kali trakhir hr tu..akak hajat kalu mak blk rumah lps raya, akak nk lawat mak kt rumah, tp Allah lbh sygkn dia..akak xteman dia masa dia mninggal,rasa kesal sgt2 =( tp skurang2nya anak2 dia smua ada d sisi dia..hm, awk ok?munirah mcmana?”

No reply. Probably they were all preparing for Makcik’s funeral. So later I messaged her:

12.57pm

“Tiada satu balasan pun di sisiKU yg diperuntukkn utk hambaKU yg mu’min,jika Aku mcabut nyawa kekasihnya dari golongan ahli dunia,kmudian ia mgharapkan redhaKU (dgn mninggalnya kekasihnya td),melainkan balasannya itu adalah SYURGA” (HR Bukhari)"

And that was a story of how I lost someone who took a special place in my heart…

The next day, her daughter replied,

“akak, sdeh la… rindu kat mak…”

Having no experience of losing someone close, I did not know how to react. I felt very sorry for her, but I could never say I knew how she felt, because I never had the same feelings before. So I remember replying:

“Bersedih tu takpa, ia fitrah manusia. Tapi sbg seorang hamba, kita tetap perlu redha. Segalanya hanyalah pinjaman, termasuklah nyawa kita. Sampai masanya, pasti kita semua akan dikembalikan kpd Pemilik kita yg sebenar. Ingat tak, dulu masa Rasulullah baru nak mula berdakwah secara terbuka, dia dpt byk sgt tentangan. Tp, Abu Talib selalu melindungi Nabi, dan Khadijah sentiasa meniupkan semangat dan memberi sokongan pd dia. Mereka berdua penyejuk hati Nabi. Tiba-tiba sampai suatu ketika, Allah cabut nyawa keduanya, pada tahun yg sama pulak tu. Allah tak tarik nyawa mereka ketika dakwah dah berjaya berkembang luas. Tp, Allah tarik nyawa dua kekasih Nabi di saat Nabi paling memerlukan mereka. Seolah-olah, Allah nak berkata pd Nabi, “Kau hanya ada Aku sbg tempat pergantungan, maka bergantunglah padaKU, mintalah perlindungan hanya dariKU”. Mungkin, itu yang Allah cuba nak didik awk skrg. Mengadulah pada Allah, sesungguhnya hanya Dia yg mengerti perasaan kita.. Dan bersabarlah, semoga kesabaran itu ganjarannya syurga…”

And a few months later, I found this hadith:

Dari Abu Hurairah,

ﻤﻦ ﻤﺎﺖ ﻓﻲ ﺍﻠﺒﻂﻦ ﻔﻬﻮ ﺸﻬﻴﺪ

“Sesiapa saja yang mati akibat sakit perut (spt kelebihan cairan perut, diarrhea, dan ada yg mengatakan seluruh penyakit yg menyerang perut), maka ia mati syahid”

(HR Ahmad & Muslim)

I pray that Makcik diganjari anugerah mati syahid. Dan semoga kita semua akan mati dalam keadaan husnul khatimah, dan sentiasa menanamkan niat utk mati syahid, mulai saat ini…

The End...